INTERIOR: SOE, Austin Texas -- DINING AREA.

Deadmeat, a warm, cuddly man, fills a pitcher with blue fluid from a refrigerated container in the well-used kitchen. He puts the pitcher on a tray with some bowls of food and starts for the dining area. Blixtev sits with John Smedley before a table covered with steaming bowls of food as Deadmeat carries in a bowl of red grain.

BLIXTEV: You know, I think that developer we hired might have worked here before.

SMEDLEY: What makes you think that?

BLIXTEV: Well, I got chatting to him earlier on. He says he worked on something called ‘Creature Handler’

Smedley is greatly alarmed at the mention of this name, but manages to control himself.

BLIXTEV: I thought he might have meant old Pre-CU. Do you know what he's talking about?

Smedley breaks loose with a fit of uncontrolled anger.

SMEDLEY: That old pre-cu code was written by a crazy old wizard. Tomorrow I want you to take that developer into town and have its memory flushed with Tequila. That'll be the end of it. He works on the NGE now.

BLIXTEV: But what if he finds some Pre-CU code?

SMEDLEY: He won't, I don't think it exists any more. It got deleted when we got rid of Raph Koster.

BLIXTEV: He knew Raph Koster?

SMEDLEY: I told you to forget it. Your only concern is to prepare the new developers for tomorrow. In the morning I want them looking at how to add combat levels to Space.

BLIXTEV: Yes, sir. I think those new developers are going to work out fine. In fact, I, uh, was also thinking about our agreement about my staying on another season. And if these new developers do work out, I want to transmit my application to Blizzard this year.

Smedley's face becomes a scowl, although he tries to suppress it.

SMEDLEY: You mean before Chapter 7?

BLIXTEV: Sure, there're more than enough developers

SMEDLEY: Chapter 7 is when I need you the most. It’s only one more season. This year we'll make enough new subscribers so I'll be able to hire some more hands. And then you can go to Blizzard next year.

Blixtev continues to toy with his food, not looking at his boss

SMEDLEY: You must understand I need you here, Blix.

BLIXTEV: But it's a whole 'nother year.

SMEDLEY: Look, it's only one more chapter.

Blixtev pushes his half-eaten plate of food aside and stands.

BLIXTEV: Yeah, that's what you said last year when Tiggs and Thunderheart left.

Deadmeat and Smedley discuss ways to keep Blix at SOE

Welcome to the Rodian Rants Summer Special, I’m not around next week so I though I’ll leave you with a bumper edition to tide you over. Always in motion is SWG. This week is no different and there are plenty of topics to cover.
In last week’s column I discussed the proposed species traits bonuses and the problems that adding this would generate. Feedback grew and grew over the weekend and on Monday the dev team sat down and devised a solution to the problem – Species Origins. Now you can pick or choose the traits that you want. You could be a Sullustian raised by Wookies or you could be a Bothan raised by Zabraks.
I’ve got to say, it’s a clever solution. The guys in Austin were against any idea of a Species Respec (probably because of all the work) and Species Origin solves the problem nicely. It doesn’t help me though, I’ve a Rodian mother and a Human father (obviously with 0 standards) but I was raised by a Rancor pet belonging to a Wookie who lived on Naboo. What the hell are my stats going to be?
What I really love is that the guys are bringing back something that was popular. They put a proposal together and presented it to the community. They then changed this based on the feedback. You can’t argue with that. I really hope that this practice is continued for ALL new content. I know it’s slow and cumbersome but it will tailor the game to what the players ultimately want. So long as any new proposals are put together by the developers rather than the players, I think this is a process that will improve the game. Blixtev and co, I salute you. 
I’m still a bit upset about the species respec though. I was really hoping that the bonuses would bring a lot more diversity to the game. I see humans everywhere with a sprinkling of Zabraks and Twi’leks and that’s about it. I desperately want to see more Mon Cal’s, for one good reason. A Mon Cal wearing a helmet is one of the funniest things you will ever see in Star Wars. Helmets double in size to accommodate their large peanut shaped heads. It’s brilliant. Mon Cal’s in helmets! More of them please.

A Mon Cal using the force to support his head

I recently came across a post on the forums discussing the health of my own beloved Euro-Tumbleweed server. Apparently, the poor thing is at death’s door. According to some of the community, most servers are moribund now and we should get free server transfers to deal with it. While Euro-Tumbleweed is small compared to the mighty Bria I can’t understand how people can be so blasé about giving up their home. To paraphrase Anakin, its fate will be the same as mine. I’ll probably leave the day they close down my server.  

Maybe I’m too sentimental but how can anyone turn their back on all that history? Four years of your life is long enough, but in terms of SWG it’s a lifetime. The rise and fall of cities, the famous guilds, all the players I’ve met; it didn’t just take place in Star Wars Galaxies, it took place on the Euro-Tumbleweed server. If I transferred, the landscapes and skylines would be the same, but Correllia wouldn’t be Corellia without Mr Fatties Food Emporium or my favorite Shipwright vendor.
I’m just a romantic old Rodian fool.

Although the new reward paintings for destroying houses look nice, I don’t think anyone is going to win awards for that furniture. Still, it is definitely an upgrade from my current stuff so I decided to finally clean up my houses and do a bit of interior decorating. But like everything else in the game, it’s No Trade which makes it impossible for me to use it since I rent my bunker from my alt. Why is everything No Trade in this game? What purpose does this serve? Would the walls of space and time collapse if I decided to give a piece of furniture to a friend?

The dilemma I now face is whether to dump half my inventory in the bin to free up space or to continue lugging it across the stars until the dev team finally see sense and remove No Trade.
Star Wars Galaxies have finally found a replacement for Thunderheart and our new Community Representative GreyPawn. Couldn’t he pick a better name? What’s wrong with SWG-Dave? I keep getting the overwhelming urge to call him GayPorn on the forums. It’s almost like it’s worth just getting it out of my system and taking the forum ban on the chin. If I was into conspiracy theories, I’d say that GreyPawn isn’t a real person but a fictional character made up to snare the forum trolls into a perma-ban.

One of GreyPawn’s first acts as the new Customer Rep was to announce the SWG Player of the Year contest. I was going to log in as my alt and nominate myself until I read the small print - Only people from the United States can enter the completion. Here is an extract from the contest rules:-
Only players from mainland US can be deemed Player of the Year. The rest of you are ok, but you’re certainly not Player of the Year material. Heaven forbid someone from Canada getting the title. Why don’t you just move to the US and become a proper person? USA! USA!
Come on guys, stump up the plane fare and make this a contest available to everyone.
Despite some of the worst publicity in online game history and a number of highly unpopular changes to the game mechanics, Star Wars Galaxies has made it to its 4th Birthday. Happy Birthday you old bastard! Yes, you get on my nerves from time to time and there have been moments when I couldn’t stand the sight of you. But deep down, I love you. I didn’t know you right from the start but we met when you were still just a baby. Last night I put on my reward monocle like some sort of Victorian aristocrat and thought back to the beginnings. Since landing on Tyrena in early 2004 I have got married, had a child and have another on due in November. We’ve both come a long way.

A Wookie wearing the latest SWG Eye glasses

I can’t speak for everyone of course, but I truly believe that this game is getting better. If you take those rose tinted glasses off for a second you’ll see that the grass wasn’t that green in the Pre-CU. The game did go into retrograde for a while but we are moving forward. I see old vets coming back and I see new players too. All too often I see people posting reams of vitriol about the smallest changes and quitting the game. I can’t say I’m too happy with the harder NPC’s and I really miss my ‘I Win’ button, but to leave over it? Never!
Ladies and gentlemen, if you are looking to quit the game I present to you 50 good reasons to do so. Until these events occur, join me in my pledge to never give up until SOE give up on us.
SuperFurry’s 50 good reasons to quit SWG

1. You receive an in-game mail advertising Viagra
2. One of the Heroic MOB’s is Captain James T. Kirk
3. You start to rubberband back to where you logged out last week
4. You receive a painting of a miniature Holo-Pet as a chapter reward
5. The only available female Entertainer on your server is Sullustian
6. You play as a female Sullustian
7. The only person left in your guild is a credit spammer
8. One of the developers casually mentions ‘All New Game Enhancements’ in the forums
9. Your in-game name is John Smedley
10. Star Wars Galaxies II is released
11. You got drunk one night, got the Luke Skywalker hair cut and the next day, they nerf Image Designers
12. You log into the game and find yourself in deep space wearing an exotic leotard and dancing BreakDance 2. Customer Serivice tells you this is a known issue
13. Blixtev asks if you wouldn’t mind coding the next chapter
14. Your mum starts playing and talks to you using L33t speak
15. Someone decides to organise SWG’s first Rap Battle
16. You wake up one day and realise that you actually write a weekly column solely about Star Wars Galaxies
17. You’ve maxed out your credits, but you still don’t have enough to buy an incubator
18. Your mum wins SWG’s first Rap Battle
19. Your graphics card was used to render the latest Shrek film, but you still only get 20 FPS in SWG
20. Your in-game wife shows up to stay at your real life house. He’s a 40 year old rodent exterminator named Dave
21. There is one profession left and it just got nerfed
22. One of your guild mates called you Daddy
23. You’re the only player left in game that can remember Pre-CU
24. SOE release Cries of Alderaan as new content
25. The Hoth expansion is just Tatooine painted white. You get snow blindness and have to spend 3 months off work
26. Even the nerds make fun of you for playing SWG
27. You find yourself saying ‘This just isn’t fair’ after reading a forum announcement
28. You’re a Weaponsmith
29. SOE announce that the Vanguard team headed up by Julio Torres will be working on SWG
30. There are 3 of you on the server but you can’t move because of lag
31. Customer Services tells you that lag is client side
32. Someone hacks your account and organises a Gay Pride March through Coronet on your behalf
33. PVP is better on the forums than it is in-game
34. Pex turns down your request for a nude Nightsister mud wrestling contest
35. Every single item you own is No Trade
36. The server merge goes wrong and you end up sharing a body with a player from the Gorath server
37. Your pet collection is greater than your friends list
38. The game gets so bad that someone starts writing an NGE emulator
39. You stumble upon a SWG Fan Fiction site and find pages and pages of homo-erotic literature featuring your toon
40. Game difficulty increases to the point where even fully buffed, it takes 45 minutes to take down a durni.
41. You celebrate your ten thousandth HK run
42. You don’t actually do anything in-game anymore but the thought of not logging in frightens you
43. After overwhelming community requests for mini-games, SOE include Sudoku in Chapter 8
44. You receive the ‘has seen it all, done it all’ badge and wearable T-shirt
45. You paid a fortune for a special edition version of SWG only to find that the special items are given to everyone three weeks later
46. Your 14 day trial expires
47. SOE raise the combat level to 150
48. After four years of playing, you still think it’s funny to crawl around busy areas in your underwear
49. SOE increase the GCW ranks. It takes six years to become Grand Moff.
50. The game music changes to thrash metal

Take care of yourselves readers, I guess that’s what you’re best at.
SuperFurry – 30th June 2007
Email me: SuperFurryGalaxies@hotmail.com